So you’ve got as much to do as you always have — but you’re finding instead of feeling fuelled by the challenge, you’re listless and moody of late? Get a little boost as Nanz Inc shows you how to cheer up the natural way.

By: Ng Lin-Li

Nobody ever said Superwoman had to be in a good mood all the time. But with busy schedules and different commitments competing for our attention, it’s easy to start feeling tired and moody. Throw in a few difficult colleagues or family members, and the day gets even gloomier.

The best way to combat this is to develop an arsenal of your favourite things that can help lift your mood. Some people recover their spark by taking a long shower with their favourite scented soaps, others find it in showering their pets with love (and vice versa). Whatever your modus operandi, recognize it’s important to get out of a blue funk, so that you can go back to being productive. These activities Nanz Inc suggests can help lighten things up.

Exercise in moderation
It may be the last thing on your mind, but it really helps. While it isn’t clear exactly how exercises decreases anxiety and moodiness, research shows that brain chemicals that make you feel good (endorphin and neurotransmitters) are released during exercise. If you don’t have time to hit the gym, even half an hour of Pilates at home or climbing the stairs instead of taking the lift, three to five times a week, can help. Join a fun sport or group exercise if that motivates you more.

Increase your Vitamin B intake
Symptoms of a Vitamin B deficiency are moodiness and anemia, which could leave you feeling tired and grumpy. Besides having regular, nutritious meals, supplement your diet with a multivitamin containing a B complex with the essential range of B vitamins. Alternatively, take more foods that are high in vitamin B12 like fish, dairy products, eggs and liver, and foods high in vitamin B6 like bell peppers, bananas, tuna, garlic and cauliflower.

Laugh and smile
Watch a comedy, read a humorous book or find anything else that tickles your funny bone and laugh away. A variety of physiological changes occur as we laugh heartily, with endorphins and muscle tension being released with each guffaw. Humor can also remind us to take a more positive and light-hearted look at life and people.

Connect with positive people
Call up your most encouraging and upbeat friends, and spend a little time with them. Share your feelings instead of trying to keep it all in. Being with people who care about and love you, even if you are moody and not at your best, can give you the boost that you need. What you need is to feel supported, and maybe you could get a change in perspective as well. (Friends that make you laugh are a bonus!)

Get enough sleep
Time spent in La-la-land is nature’s way of giving us a break from stress and immediate concerns, restoring the body and mind to give us energy to get through the next day. Conversely, insufficient sleep can make us feel negative and lethargic about everything. Each person needs a different amount of sleep, so find out what is your optimum quantity because getting enough shut-eye is imperative to feeling and living better.

Have some fish oil
Remember those mouthfuls of cod liver oil you had to take as a child? It might be a good time to revisit that (go for capsules if you still shudder at its fishy taste). Besides providing a host of other health benefits, omega-3 fatty acids found in fish oil, namely EPA (eicosapentaenoic acid), has been shown to have positive effects on moodiness.

Important: If you are feeling chronically depressed (ie no matter what you do to get out of feeling hopeless, you cannot seem to overcome it), or if you find you are unable to regulate your mood, be sure to seek counseling or medical help as soon as possible.

Taking good care of yourself is not just limited to healthy diets, exercise and grooming — there’s also your emotional and psychological wellbeing to think about as well. A good state of mental health not only enables you to fully enjoy what life has to offer, it also provides you with the necessary resilience to hold your ground during stressful situations and turbulent times.

By: Melanie Lee

Writer’s note: This topic hit close to home when a friend committed suicide last month near Christmas. It was such a sad, tragic shock and at first, it seemed as if it had come out of nowhere. On retrospect, however, I remember that this kind-hearted and capable friend of mine who had so many things to look forward to in life also had unresolved issues and often lapsed into futile pessimism. It’s so easy to neglect your state of mind when there seem to be so many other things that need to taken care of, but really, it’s the first thing you should look into when you feel that something’s amiss.

According to the Singapore Association for Mental Health, one’s mental wellbeing involves the following aspects:
a) How a person feels about herself
b) How she feels about others
c) How she handles the stresses of daily living

Ponder over how you’ve been doing in these areas. Do you often go out of the house feeling ugly or fat? Are you resentful that your colleague seems to be receiving more favourable treatment by your bosses? Do you swear like a sailor during peak hour traffic? Do you often panic because you can’t seem to complete the things you’ve set out to do?

If there are alarm bells ringing at this point – no worries – for here are some suggested ways you can try building up your mental fitness.

1. Building awareness
Start observing or journaling what kind of things get you down or agitated and spend some time thinking through what thoughts go through your head at that time and why you react the way you do. Think about how pointless indulging in such pessimistic thoughts are and try to identify any root issues (eg, lack of self-esteem) that may be fuelling such negativity.

2. Restoring balance
When a particular aspect of your life (eg, work) becomes too dominant, very often, it’s your friends and family that are best able to sense that things are tipping over. Start taking note when other people tell you things like, “You look tired” or “You don’t seem to have time for anything anymore”. When this happens, make it a point to slow down, take stock and commit to altering your lifestyle to fit your priorities – not the other way round.

3. Practicing flexibility
The only certainty in life is uncertainty and life guarantees low points – break-ups, retrenchments, illnesses. Often, these curveballs really have a way of making you think that the rest of your life is ruined. However, you are a lot more adaptable than you think you are and often, it’s the attitude that determines the outcome and not so much the circumstances. This is not about being fatalistic, but merely coming to terms that there really are some things beyond your control, so you might as well enjoy the ride!

Visit the Healthy Mind website for more information and resources on how to introduce mental wellness practices into your life.

Have an experience with mental health that you want to share? Leave a comment or email editor@nanzinc.com.

A stressed out girl makes everybody around her stressed out too! We all know that it’s good for our health to find ways and time to relax and give our overcooked brains and bodies a break. But how to not spend a bomb doing so? Here are five totally affordable ways to de-stress — and in style too!

By: Sharlene Tan

Sure, a luxuriating spa treatment or a long vacation is a great way to calm down your frazzled soul, but what if your wallet is a little light and payday isn’t in sight? Check out these bright ideas.

Work off some steam in the kitchen
I find nothing more therapeutic than working in the kitchen, be it chopping up vegetables or the simple act of cracking an egg. Cooking and baking fuels the senses — it’s tactile; it’s good for the soul. Invite your girlfriends over and whip up a meal together: a pancake breakfast with your own choice of toppings is a great way to kick off the weekend. I adapted this recipe from the food blog, Stay At Stove Dad.

Ingredients:

1 1/2 cups flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 3/4 teaspoons baking powder
1 to 1 1/2 cups of milk
2 eggs, separated
1 to 2 tablespoons butter
Your favourite toppings, such as sliced fruits like bananas, strawberries or blueberries; chocolate chips, toasted chopped nuts

Instructions:

1. Melt the butter. Mix the yolks in with the milk. Add the butter. Beat the egg whites in a separate bowl until they hold a peak. Add the flour and salt into the egg yolk mixture (try not to mix too much). Fold in the whites.
2. Heat a frying pan over medium heat, add some butter. Pour in the batter (I use a soup ladle to measure it out). When bubbles form, layer on the fruit, nuts or chocolate chips. Flip the pancake. Cook until a nice golden brown. Serve with a little butter and honey or maple syrup. Or try it with some icing sugar and lemon juice.

Take a walk
We’re always busy walking to a destination — to the bus stop, to the office, to the latest lunch destination. But simply taking a walk can be great for the mind and the body. I’m always amazed by how a walk around my neighbourhood can clear the mind and open the senses. Take a look at everything around you as you walk and you’ll probably notice some interesting things that you usually just speed past on your way to the office.

Visit your library
I am a huge fan of my library and make the trek there every week — not just for books but also magazines, CDs and DVDs. I often read book blogs to keep up with new book releases and to generate ideas on what to read next. Some of my favourite reads in 2009, such as Simon van Booy’s Love Begins In Winter and Rabih Alameddine’s The Hakawati, were recommendations from book blogs. Here are some of my favourite book blogs:
Dovegreyreader,
A Striped Armchair and Fleur Fisher Reads

Put pen to paper
Imagine that smile on your friend’s face when she opens her mailbox to find, among all the bills and junk mail, a letter from you. Pick out some pretty stationery and sit down with a cup of tea to write a letter. Putting pen to paper forces you to slow down and think about what to write. Tell your friend about your day, reminisce about good times or share a recipe. Over at Postcrossing, sign up and receive postcards from random places around the world.

Get crafty
Spruce up your house with DIY projects, many of which use everyday items. Check out Design*Sponge or Re-Nest for ideas. Or check your local community centre for inexpensive classes on dressmaking or knitting. Nothing like some retro relaxation!

Have a great cheap chillout to share with us? Leave a comment!

It’s New Year’s Eve. Is your 2010 going to be better than your 2009? You bet it is! Here’s how to hit the ground running.

By Theresa Tan

Most of us entered into 2009 with fear and trepidation. Economists were howling, banks were broken, and many were sure that we were headed for a Depression. Meanwhile, terrorism was still a very real threat, and there was no let-up in the natural disasters. Certainly, it seemed 2009 was one of the worst years to live through — the world’s annus horribilis.

But now we enter into a new decade – most of us are filled with hope 2010 will be a better year, and that it will usher in a better age.

While we cannot guarantee that economically the world is entirely out of the woods, or that our combined efforts will turn global warming around, there are some things within our control that we can do to make 2010 as smooth and pleasant as possible.

1. Get Your Finances in Shape
There are few things more stressful than knowing that your finances are in a mess, yet having no energy or motivation to do something about it. Money guru Suze Orman calls this financial clutter — not knowing what state your finances are in, how much you really have, if you’re overspending or not, missing your credit card payments because you’re not opening your bills (purposely or subconsciously).

Dedicate the next two weeks getting your money in order. Start 2010 by keeping an expenditure log. Be accountable for every dollar that comes to you and leaves you. As Orman says, treat money with respect and it will treat you with respect.
Recommended reading: The 9 Steps To Financial Freedom; Women & Money: Owning The Power To Control Your Destiny, both by Suze Orman

2. Get Your Body In Shape
Answer these 3 questions:
a. Do you have problems catching up with your 3-year-old toddler when you bring him to the Botanic Gardens? Are you breathless and in need of a nap after an hour of running around?
b. Do you catch what seems like every strain of flu that comes around the office?
c. Are you forgetting your vitamins? Or do you not even take any vitamins?
If you answered yes to any of them, chances are you could afford to get in better shape than you currently are. We don’t give it much thought but maintaining good health and fitness extends our energy levels, decreases our chances of contracting chronic disease, and also saves us money!

Sign up for a full body checkup — just like your finances, you need to know where you stand physically. If you have an apple-shaped body, you are at higher risk of heart disease, which is the number one killer of women in Singapore. If your waist-to-hip ratio (circumference of your natural waist – just under the bellybutton – divided by your hip circumference at its widest) is higher than 0.8, you are in the unhealthy range and again, have increased risk of heart disease. Visceral fat – which is the fat around our vital organs – cannot be seen from the outside, so you can be thin as a rake and still have fat choking your heart. Don’t take any more risks — get yourself checked out, get on a diet and exercise programme if you have to, and get in shape for 2010.

Recommended reading: War On Weight by Dr Victor YC Ong, Eat Right 4 Your Type by Peter D’Adamo.

3. Get Your Thoughts In Order
“As a man thinks, so is he.” This proverb, made famous by James Allen’s book As A Man Thinketh, holds true. You know what they say, if two people are given the same task and one person thinks “I can” and the other thinks “I can’t”, both are right!

Make 2010 is the year that you mind what’s in your mind. Watch your language — that’s usually an indication of what’s on your mind. If you find yourself saying “I’m so broke” or “I’ll never be rich” or “They’re going to give my promotion to someone else” or “My husband’s going to leave me” — then stop, and say the opposite! “I’m not going to be broke this year.” “I’m going to be rich”. “I’m going to get that promotion this year.” “My husband and I are going to be happily married for all our lives.”

Train your mind to think positive — you will be surprised at how things seem to “magically” go your way. Try it out — and tell us the good results! We want to run your story!

Recommended reading: The Power Of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale, As A Man Thinketh by James Allen.

The pitter-patter of little feet usually introduces married couples to a lifestyle of sleep deprivation and screaming tantrums. This inevitably leads to a reduction of quality time and intimacy with each other. Nanz Inc shows you how you can prevent your marriage from being overly child-centred – after all, it’s important amidst all the busy childrearing to remember the lifelong partner you’ve said your wedding vows to.

By Lianne Ong

When couples have kids, it is inevitable that their marriages will be presented with new challenges. According to Mrs Janette Goh, a family life coach and counsellor at SiloamXperience, different parenting styles are usually cited as the top marital problem for parents. Loss of couple time and individual time are cited as the next most common problems.

Rachel Ong, 38, a stay-at-home mom to four children, would know. “Whenever a new baby arrives, that is usually the most stressful and tiring period for us. I really need my husband to help more then. When I feel he isn’t helping sufficiently, that is when things get difficult and I do feel our relationship suffers a bit for it.”

Here are some tips to prevent kids from derailing your marriage:

Prioritise spouse over children

Parents need to remember that the spouse should always come first, then the child. Many couples probably already know this, but acting it out is another matter altogether. There is often some guilt when the kids are put as second priority.

Janette shares, “One of my clients shared with me about how her husband had an affair after she got caught up with caring for her young children. It’s not that she didn’t love him, but she loved her children more. Looking back, she understands why he ended up finding solace elsewhere.’”

At the end of the day, a healthy marriage is the best gift we can give our children.

Preserve couple time

“Guard couple time with your life!” Janette advises. Many couples find that this is a struggle when both parties work long hours and then come home to spend time with the kids.

For Rachel, finding alone time with her husband Anthony is a fine balance of planning and spontaneity. “It takes effort on both our parts not to leave it to chance, so we try to set aside time for a dinner date without the kids now and then. At the same time, if an unexpected opportunity arises, we have to be quick to take it and just leave the house!” Rachel admits that raising four kids can be physically exhausting, which is why it is usually her husband that broaches the subject of doing something together without the kids in tow.

Nurture your marriage

Marriage is like a garden. This may sound corny and cheesy, but it’s true. With neglect, all the initial efforts of quality couple communication will be affected if not handled with love and care. Whether it’s taking up a new hobby together, practising patience or complimenting each other, a little TLC is required to keep the relationship alive, especially during the seasons when the kids seem to overshadow your marriage.

This is an instalment of our Protect Your Marriage series. If you have missed any of our previous articles, just click on the following links:
Protect Your Marriage: Date Your Spouse For Life
Protect Your Marriage: Have Sex, Have It A Lot
Protect Your Marriage: When Kids Get In The Way
Protect Your Marriage: Surviving The First Year Of Marriage
Protect Your Marriage: Surviving A “Mid-Life Crisis”
Protect Your Marriage: The China Woman Syndrome

Take our quiz and find out if you’re a Bohemian Butterfly or a Prim Prude at heart.

By Melanie Lee

Is your thought life controlling you or are you in control of your thoughts?  Letting your mind run wild without setting barriers and controls can result in tragedy.

By: Theresa Tan

In an ongoing court case this week, an 18-year-old young mother has been accused of abusing her maid.  The torture extended to the pulling out of her maid’s teeth.  When questioned, the accused said, she could not help herself. When she saw her maid she would get angry and, she said, her anger would take over.

In another case, a two-year-old’s heart stopped beating after her father beat and stamped on her … for the last time.  The forensic pathologist found over 20 old scars on the toddler’s body.  She had been severely beaten and tortured by both parents, literally from head to feet. Her father faces the death penalty if found guilty.

To many of us, such extremities are somebody else’s temper problem.  But think about this:

Anger starts off as the tiniest of flames.  It can grow into a furious furnace if we are not conscious of our thoughts and do not put out the fire while it is small.

Yesterday I found myself walking around with a thunder cloud over my head for a full half day.  I was mad that another person’s indecisiveness had cost me to waste many hours over the past two weeks, and caused stress to me and the team I worked with by now asking for work to be done last minute when it could have been done two weeks ago.  I was not entirely conscious of how unhappy I was until I found myself throwing books against the wall because my anger had now grown into an unhealthy bonfire and needed “feeding”.  The more I gave in to the feeling, the bigger the fire grew.

I stopped, stood still and became conscious of my thoughts.  I wrote them down one by one. What started as a seed (“My time was wasted and I now have last minute work to do”) had become a giant tree with spiky fruit (thoughts not fit for print).

To be honest I was quite shocked at myself, as I usually am quick to forgive and quite easy-going, if I might say so myself.  Because I had written down my angry thoughts, I could go through them one by one and strike each one out with a marker, and reason that my anger had grown disproportionately to the offence. As I did that I found my anger subsided, and by the time I got to the last one, I was more focused on getting the work done than on the offence.

James Allen’s classic book As A Man Thinketh is a powerful little tome.  As a man thinks, so is he — the person who thinks he’s going to be a failure and the one who thinks he will be a success are both right!

A wise friend once described thoughts as salesmen that come to your door and ring the doorbell.  You can peek out and see if the thought is positive or negative, and you can decide if you want to buy into it or not.  “Some thoughts are not good for you so why let them in?  You don’t have to accept every thought as yours!”

Trouble is, most of us leave the front doors of our minds open, so any thought can come in. I have learned in the last five years to become more conscious of what thoughts I am having and to exercise self-control in my thinking.

I’ve discovered a few techniques that work for me.

I don’t doubt that that 18-year-old mother and the father of that little toddler regret what they have done.  But regret can do nothing to reverse the harm done.  Keeping a tight rein on your thoughts and exercising self-control is a much better way to live.

We all have regrets, at least a few. Nanz shares candidly about the things she wishes she did, the ones she wishes she didn’t, and why we must focus on our dreams instead of looking back.

I have had many dreams and my fair share of regrets. When I was a little girl, my greatest wish was to be an astronaut and I would fantasise about my walk on the moon.

I soon grew out of this, of course. In my teens, I dreamt about marrying my Prince Charming — naturally, he would be a millionaire! And he would definitely be able to indulge all my worldly fancies. I guess I grew out of this dream as well when I began to create my own wealth as an entrepreneur. When ONE.99shop was born and the business began to prosper, I badly wanted it to be the Wal-Mart of Asia.

Do I regret all these lost dreams? No. I have learnt to look upon them as part of living life, and hang on to these invaluable lessons. My regrets pertain only to the time I have lost – precious moments I sacrificed in the pursuit of my dreams. I regret not having spent enough time with my husband Larry when we were first married. These are times you cannot recapture.
I regret not having the wisdom of pursuing a university degree when I was younger — at a time when my younger brain could have absorbed and retained so much more.
I regret the times I had wasted in hanging out with the wrong company, learning wrong values as a result.
I regret not having hired sound financial managers early on when my business was thriving and growing rapidly.
I also regret not giving enough time and thought to potential business partners who could have possibly lightened my workload. This is very critical to running a business.
The list goes on and on but the most important lesson I have learnt is to turn my back on regrets, and to look ahead and keep dreaming for bigger and better things.

My greatest wish now is to impact the world in a different way. I want to be able to be a bridge-builder and help as many people as possible — millions of them! — to succeed in their business ventures and their lives.

I want to be able to do this through my speaking engagements, my consultancy work, my ministry — and through my books. Yes, I dream of writing many more books!

You see, in life, we all have regrets, but beyond them there is always new hope, and definitely new dreams and a new future!

This article is an extract from One Business, 99 Lessons by Nanz Chong-Komo.

Are you as good a friend as you think? Five questions to reflect on whether you are truly a pal for keeps.

By Melanie Lee

Countless movies have been made and libraries-full of books on the friendship that women have. But not all friendships are equal, fulfilling or healthy. To have good friends, one must first be a good friend. Answer these questions honestly and see if you warrant the title of “BFF” — and if not, find out how to get there.

Do I accept my friends for who they are?
While it’s good to be honest and stick to your own beliefs, this can sometimes pass off as being judgmental and intolerant (despite the best of intentions) if you get too carried away with imposing your own views. Every one of your friends is unique and these differences are what forms the dynamics of your friendship — make it a point to listen to their feelings and thoughts as a form of respect.

Do I always put my needs and problems above that of my friends?
Just as how you run to your true friends for a good cry in times of crisis, ask yourself if you also have been there during their low points over the years. While a true friend will understand if you have other pressing commitments and won’t be able to take a long midnight call, they will also always remember how you dropped everything to spend a night eating tubs of ice-cream and holding their hand.

Do I bring joy to those around me?
It’s good to be open about your feelings with your friends, but it can be emotionally draining for them if all you do is complain and whine about everything 24/7. Don’t overburden them with your cynical grouses, as your incessant negative vibe will also spoil their mood. Instead, think of how you can bring some unconditional cheer with perhaps a humourous SMS or some flowers.

Do I keep my promises — both big and small — as a friend?
This is the “action” part of a friendship and often most indicative of whether you have made a commitment to be trustworthy as a friend. It could be as significant as keeping a deep, dark secret of which your friend has sworn you to lifetime secrecy to or the little things, like following through with a pact to meet monthly for dinner no matter how busy things get.

Do I get easily jealous of my friends?
Very often, close female friendships are marred by the artificial competition set out in school, work and the social scene. If you feel that you are often green with envy because your friends seem to have a better job, husband or lifestyle, it may be a symptom of your own insecurities or low self-esteem. Take stock of how your own blessings and distinctive strengths and gradually, you will also begin to appreciate the good things about your friends and their lives.

WOMEN SPEAK: What makes a good friend?

“Someone who knows you well, but doesn’t ram her opinions of how you should solve your problems, down your throat.” Laura Lee, mother of two, 40

“There are only two or three friends whom I consider close. They were there during my lowest periods – when my mum suddenly passed away, when I had work woes and when I was in a career crisis. These friends cheered me up by listening, organising surprise dinners and and getting me little trinkets.” Sarah Somarajan, teacher, 27

“Someone who truly celebrates your achievements even when envious.” Janice Poh, project manager, 30

It may seem like a caricature: the Asian woman who wails and cries at funerals. But grieving is the mind’s way of moving on with life, and there is an ideal, healthy way of doing it, says Michelle Bong.

We have all had to go through the pain of losing a loved one, the breakdown of a marriage or other heart-breaking experiences. The sudden death of a loved one, in particular, can be one of life’s most traumatic experiences that many have problems overcoming.

“Shock, numbness, yearning, guilt or self-reproach, loneliness, helplessness or anger are some very common emotions experienced when a person is grieving. And it is important to note that these are normal,” Dr Patricia Yap, Senior Clinical Psychologist, Department of Psychology, Institute of Mental Health. She adds that physical sensations (hollowness in the stomach, shortness of breath, tightness in the chest or weakness in the muscles), cognitive characteristics (disbelief, confusion, seeing images of the person) and certain behaviors (crying, social withdrawal, restlessness or sleep and appetite irregularities) can be part and parcel of the grieving process.

At the same time, grief can manifest itself as absent grief, regular grief, delayed grief, or complicated grief; the first involves the denial of feelings about the loss and causes one to act as if nothing had happened while regular grief occurs when a person works to adapt and cope with a loss and moves on with life. Delayed grief displays normal symptoms which don’t intensity till some time later and complicated grief is an intense grief that lasts over time and leaves a person unable to function or require help from medical professionals.

Those who find themselves trying to overcome grief can turn to various models to help them through the process. The most popular of them is the one suggested by the late Swiss-born psychiatrist and author of the bestseller On Death and Dying, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, who proposed that grief involves the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance.

One way to tell if you’re grieving in a healthy manner is if you experience normal grief reactions such as shock, numbness and yearning. Experiencing these is an indicator that you are affected but not incapacitated by grief, beyond a period of about two months.

However, symptoms of unhealthy grieving include the severe slowing down of psychological functioning and/or movement, or hallucinatory experiences such as hearing voices others cannot. Some people also tend to develop a morbid (or unusually extreme) preoccupation with worthlessness.

And while everyone needs a different amount of time when it comes to grieving, Dr Yap stresses it is a matter of quality versus quantity.

“It is not so much the amount of time taken but the quality of grief that is important,” she explains. “Ten years after a loss, people may still be living in a way that honours the memory of the deceased. Some may be coping with intense feelings of missing and yearning for while others may continue to avoid reminders of grief.”

For comfort, don’t be afraid to turn to your family, relatives and friends. Beyond that, you can seek help within your own religious or spiritual community, or if it’s hard to talk to people you know, professional help is available in the form of psychologists, social workers, and counselors. The Samaritans of Singapore is also a good avenue for help — its 24-hour hotline is 1800-221-4444.

Have a story on overcoming grief that you want to share? Leave a comment!