It’s been nearly two weeks and Jack Neo’s affair has dominated the headlines. It may seem a horrible thing to have happened to Jack and his wife, but Nanzinc.Com feels it is a good thing. Here’s why.
By: Theresa Tan & Nanz Chong-Komo
Nanz and I, having come from the fashion, entertainment and media industries, may be predisposed to understanding Jack Neo’s awkward situation the last two weeks.
Did anyone else feel it was hypocritical of the press to blow up Jack’s infidelity into so many sensational pages, when infidelity is so rife among media personalities that they could have written the book on it?
Through this entire episode, we are amazed not so much at Jack’s affair, but the behaviour of Singaporeans in reaction to the news. Nanz couldn’t believe how fast most people jumped to conclusions.
I was at the ill-fated 3-minute press conference. When Irene lost it and buckled onto the floor, the photographers leaped over one another to grab the shots like Paris Hilton had forgotten to wear panties again! It was shocking. Worse still, I stayed back after Jack and Irene had left, and listened to what the reporters were talking about. Most were wondering how they were going to fill 8 pages with a 3-minute press con. Others were cursing people who were “in my shot, @#$%^&”. Somebody said it was a “good show”. As if Irene had put on a show to elicit sympathy. She may be married to a film director, but if you have even spoken to her before, you would know, she is one of the sweetest and most publicity-shy people in Singapore. To “wayang” is beyond her.
When I left the theatrette at Scorpio East, many of the journalists were eating from the buffet that they later made fun of. Excuse me, if it was in bad taste to cater food during a press conference like this, then why were you eating and drinking? Yes, that kopi counts too, Miss.
What if Jack and Irene really did cry out from their hearts? What if Irene really did collapse from the weight of her grief? What if Jack is sincerely remorseful and repentant?
Then we owe them an apology from our hearts.
“I am just amazed how hard our hearts have gone hardened so fast, so soon…just by reading reports from the press,” says Nanz. “We have forgotten he is a human after all, a person who have done significantly in our lives for many years in our homes when he played Liang Po Po and other characters. We have quickly wiped out all his good deeds of the past.”
Was Jack’s buaya behaviour unacceptable? For a film director to ask for numbers of potential stars and starlets is par for the course. For them to have a fling or two—as long as they don’t get caught—had always seemed to be acceptable among peers (no judgment call here).
So it seems to me that the great sin was not that Jack did have an affair, or that he came on to young girls. But, from what the papers did to him last week, what Jack was guilty of was for a) being caught, and b) not being able to make his problems go away like other men who keep a girl or two on the side.
Nanz recently met them at a Dr Ron Sim’s celebration of OSIM’s 30th anniversary. “Jack was with Irene, we chatted briefly.” Jack has been very supportive of Nanz — he made an effort to show support when we were about to launch Nanz Inc.
As Nanz says, “We have all failed at some point, whether it’s business, or work, or parenting. I’m proud that Jack and Irene have chosen to face their problem and I know they will work this through.”
Absolutely. Had Wendy Chong not been so fed up that she decided to confront Jack’s wife Irene, this secret love affair might still be secret. For that reason alone, we feel this could be the best thing that ever happened to Jack and Irene.
The alternative is that Jack could have continued to live a lie, Wendy could have got pregnant—really, it could have been much, much worse.
Instead, by bringing the matter to light, Wendy had done Jack a favour. Now, he had to face the truth, and now, he had the opportunity to make things right. The truth has set him free.
All the time the affair was going on, “I felt like a stone was hung round my neck,” he told one press member. That is the horrible weight of guilt, and of hopelessness that this was never going to go away. He said he had tried to end the relationship some months ago, but Wendy got emotional. When one is stuck in a mess one has created, and trying to get out only causes more problems, that’s when some feel it’s too hopeless and maybe it’s just easier to take one’s own life.
We are glad that it did not spiral to that point for Jack or Wendy. We are grateful.
Is it fair for Irene? No. Was he exceptionally cruel? Yes—he probably didn’t even think about the impact this would have on his wife. Was he selfish? Definitely. Cheating spouses think about their own needs above anybody else’s—even the person they are cheating with.
Irene has been incredibly stalwart through all of this, thank God for this woman. How many of us can really stand there and say, after all that has been revealed, that we will honour our promise to have and to hold, in good times and in bad, for richer or poorer?
Why give her a hard time about it? That she has chosen to forgive is clearly a sign that she is a person of high integrity, who really knows how to love, not selfishly like many of us. She loves unconditionally, and that moves Nanz and me.
Is she a pushover? Is she a doormat? No. It takes much more strength to stay and fight, than to pack up and run. How many wronged spouses have the courage to stay and defend their marriage, to value what they have to the extent that they are willing to lay down their pride and face public humiliation to keep that promise? It takes an extraordinary person to do that. Thank God Irene is one such extraordinary person.
Jack appears remorseful, and we want to give him the benefit of the doubt. We want to believe that deep inside his heart, he really does believe in the morals and lessons that he preaches in his movies, or he wouldn’t bother to preach them (who else does morality movies like Jack Neo?).
As long as he is sincerely sorry, and makes a promise to turn from his old habits, why not forgive? Why not turn a bad situation into a really good one? Nobody wins in a divorce.
Lest you think Nanz and I are being very naïve and Pollyanna about this situation, we agree that in order for this to have happened in the first place, something was amiss about the marriage already.
Jack has admitted that for years, the only time he spent with his kids was on weekends. That freed him up during the week to do his work and, unfortunately, find distractions. Now he is determined to come home during the week to have dinner with his children—a proactive move that will surely yield positive results.
Irene’s quiet acceptance of Jack’s travels and schedules may also have been something that Jack read as “don’t ask, don’t tell”. A married couple is one—they should have no secrets between them, they should discuss all major decisions (eg traveling without one another, working in another country), they should be fully accountable to one another.
While most of the world would probably baulk and call this “imprisonment”, our stand is that spouses must do whatever it takes to keep the trust and connection between one another. Marriages are under attack daily. MCYS has already declared that the Singapore family is in crisis. If you have found the one you love, and spent so much time and money convincing her of your sincerity, then why not keep up the ardour, and make sure you finish what you started, and finish strong?
And no matter how bad things get, tell your spouse. You agreed on the day you got married that you are both in this together. What changed after your wedding day?
If you have a gambling problem, tell your spouse. Seek help. If you’re attracted to someone else at your workplace, tell your spouse, and seek counseling, or if it’s really bad, quit your job.
Stay close, keep no secrets from one another. Jack had kept this huge secret from his wife, and when it was finally brought out into the open, though his regret was public, he also admitted that he was relieved that finally, this problem could end.
Now that he and Irene are committed to working it out together, things can only improve. They have a second chance at making their marriage work. They’ve made the right decision not to separate, which would have hurt their children greatly. They’ve gone counter to what the many Singaporeans would have done—you hurt me, I walk out. Our rising divorce rates stand as proof that most Singapore couples take what they think is the “easier way out”.
We are proud of Jack and Irene for their wise decision, to stick by their marriage and refuse to make a mess a total disaster by going for a divorce.
Our prayers are with them. We’re confident they’re going to make it.
As for the rest of us who stood by and watched, Nanz has this to say: “After this, I am reflecting and remembering to remain ‘un-herded’. I refuse to think like the rest of the world, I don’t want to be cruel, or quick to judge. It saddened me that people can be unforgiving in words and behaviour. Frankly, don’t we know of loved ones (family, friends, relatives) who have had secret affairs? Would we condemn these loved ones so openly?”
We can all become better people from this saga.
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I so TOTALLY agree with this post!
I'm so sick and tired of all the media reports about Jack. Let's move on, thank you very much.
Absolutely agreed with this post! No one is perfect in this world, as long as we learned from mistakes and move on..
Yup. I'm proud of Jack Neo and wife decision as well. Cmon Jack, He will see you through!
Well-Said, Nanz! If you didn't mention, I wld have forgotten about Liang Po Po and Liang Xi Mei..
In God, there is no darkness but light! 
Am Believing God has HIS Good Plans for the Neo Family 
I believe it's God's Plan for this affair to be brought out of the dark
I'm tired of the newspaper reports.. can't they just give the man a break. I'd hate to have my 'sins' splattered all over the national news papers.
I hope this makes their marriage and family stronger. Its a good wake up call for everyone
We reap what we sow.. Be it triumph or disaster, it has absolutely NOTHING to do with GOD. So to all those who involves GOD in some way or other, please stop doing so!. There is NO such thing as Failure, only an opportunity to do it again, this time more intelligently. It boils down to one simple thing. Jack's own personal sincerity to re-start his life again. Time is on his side. Just be your true self and learn to cherish and value what you already have, You are AWESOME!… Stay awesome always.. James
IT IS A SAD WORLD IN WHICH WE ARE LIVING IN
“Was Jack’s buaya behaviour unacceptable? For a film director to ask for numbers of potential stars and starlets is par for the course”
Nanz, I am shocked at your show of sympathy for Jack Neo. Yes no one can dispute that Jack Neo's wife is the victim here. But Jack Neo? Now, so what if Jack is sincerely remorseful and repentant, as you put it? The question is, would he be so “remorseful and repentant” if he was not caught, and exposed in this manner?
Nanz, do NOT condone infidelity. You are not setting a good example to young girls in Singapore.
Thank you for your compassionate views on Jack Neo's affair. I fully agree that the press needs to back off. My concern is for the children and the impact of the harsh and heartless reports about their father on their ability to cope with their family crisis. It is not just about the couple, people. Please remember the truly vulnerable ones.
Well written, well said! So true, it has come to light…perhaps that's God's way of ending it.
Hi Theresa and Nanz,
I am heartened to hear your point of view as I have read so many others who only cared about creating news for their newspapers and magazines!
I'm also glad you pointed out how uncouth those reporters are at the press conference as we always read about what the reporters had to say and never about themselves.
It truely takes two hands to clap and of course and when a marriage ends up this way, it is more important to question WHY it happened and not how it happened (how hard can it be to to guess the process of getting himself into an affair?). The fact is that most people think that after the wedding bells have rung, it's happily ever after. They fail to understand that the piece of paper which we call marriage certificate, is not a gaurantee of a great relationship with their spouse.
So kudos to you guys for highlighting the other side of the story!!
Hi I told agreed with you. Jack have already apologised to the public because he is a public figure what else do they expected from him, as long as his wife and childrens forgiven him that should be the end . Let them settle their own family matters and the press please should stop publishing any further news .
You made Jack Neo a saint!
Would you say the same if your spouse cheated on you? I wonder!
BTW, I am a man. I like the world have more “generous” women like you!
TOTALLY agree with this post,Jack have already apologised to public let them settle their own family matters and the press please should stop publishing any further news ,just give the man a break…..
Great article, Theresa & Nanz. It's a private, family matter that has been selfishly used by the media for reader’s immature appetite. (Frankly, I didn’t even follow this news).
To have a perfectly loving family is a blessing. Everyone wants that, some children never had one all their lives and negative effects carries forward to their marriage. No one choose to have a broken marriage from day one… a shipwreck mid way through a marriage is just a symptom of a hidden issues that a couple can look into in order to bring the relationship to a more intimate level, especially in the arena of the soul.
I like what you said: “No one wins in a divorce”, and I am glad that Jack and Irene decided to face the issue together and overcome it. It’s going to be quite a process… but at least the harm stops where the problem is been addressed.
Sincerely, I hope they will come out of this stronger in their marriage and share their success story to help many who had also have fallen but can’t or do no know how to come back, or want to come back but not given the grace to! I believe there are many who wish that their parents have done likewise to save their marriage and family… they are definitely cheering you on Jack, Irene and family.
It is not abt been 'generous' but FORGIVING, man. I am also a man.
Would Jack be so forgiving if it's his wife that is cheating him? What I heard is that it's harder for man to forgive if his wife is cheating him than the other way round. It has got to do with their pride and BIG EGO. If his wife is having an affair or flirting with 10 men, will Nanz and Theresa be so forgiving too? If mankind is so forgiving, then we would all be having affairs and having good time. If found out, just ask for forgiveness and act really sorry lor.
I have just got back from KL and people there are also into this Jack's thing as well. Can't understand why people like to gloat on others misery when their own life may be in shambles for all you know….We are not here to judge but to support when one of your own is down, so let Jack and his family get on with their life….
Dear “Shocked” and “We Are Not Stupid”,
Thanks for your comments and I can totally understand how you feel. At no point do Nanz and I condone infidelity. What I personally do not agree with is the public's insistence that Irene divorce him, or that she is a weak and spineless woman for forgiving him.
Anyone who has been in a position to forgive will know it is MUCH harder to forgive than to leave. It is a very tough choice to make – because the pain doesn't go away immediately, and it will take Irene many, many years before she can fully trust Jack again. Their marriage will need a lot of time and commitment to heal.
However, divorce is a MUCH bigger evil. The media has made it so that getting divorced is a “natural solution”. There is nothing “natural” about divorce (though I agree that it is necessary when there is chronic abuse involved and other extraordinary circumstances). There is nothing “righteous” about divorce as a “vengeance tool” when the guilty party is genuinely remorseful and reconciliation is an option. Divorce destroys the wife, the husband and the children. It's not about one person's pride and another person's punishment. You wound everybody in the process. Whatever money the parents have, goes to the lawyers to get the divorce done. Divorced couples drag their kids to court and force them to choose who they want to stay with. Children as young as 6 or 7 have had to undergo counselling because their parents chose to divorce. Statistics show that children of divorced parents have a higher chance of becoming divorced parents. This means that the damage does not stop with one generation – it destroys 3, maybe more generations.
Irene is making the right decision for her family and her family's future by not choosing the “easy way out”. Do you think for a moment it is easy for her to be publicly humiliated, then to do the right thing and to get attacked by feminists or those that think they know better, for doing the right thing?
I don't think so.
I am just happy for them that she has chosen not to do what most other women would have done. I am happy that at least for the foreseeable future, unless Jack does something foolish, their family remains intact and their children don't have to be victims of a broken home.
As for the movie industry being like this, I'm sorry to say, it is. So is the fashion industry, the modeling industry… it is how the individual makes choices whether he or she will cave to the “industry standards” or rise above them. Jack caved, but now he wants to change his ways. If his wife wants to give him a second chance, we don't really have a say, do we?
On the separate issue of sexual harassment — we promise we will talk about this soon at Nanz Inc!
He is Jack Neo famous Singapore Film Director/Actor/Comedian, if he is ordinary man in the street who would care. Will the reportors be intrested. Like once Mr Lee K.Y say if you are famous or important person what u said or do matter and had to be accountable. So give a break, give the Neo family space for healing and peace. It seem no one can understand Iren for confessing her love to her husband eventhough what he had done, they expect she should ask for a divorce while I believe her heart still had a soft spot for Jack and we should bless them and
it show they had a fairly good foundation and worth to give Jack a 2nd chance dont we many times need that kind of love and understanding when we commit a grave mistake and hope some1 will give us a chance. What Iren had is big real big, her children are blessed to have a mom like her.