Do Life Better: Learn How To Say No

Everyone loves the accommodating person who is always willing to lend a helping hand and full of the “can-do” spirit. However, if your plate is piled way up high with deadlines, favours and obligations that are just sapping your energy and time away, then it probably means you’re not saying no often enough.

By: Melanie Lee

The problem with most of us women is that we feel like such baddies every time we refuse something. However, it’s probably worse if you grudgingly agree to do something, but do with such a negative, reluctant spirit, or worse still, keep pushing it aside with vague promises to deal with it “later”.

Remember that you are only one person and that there are only 24 hours in a day. There’s only so much you can do, and that it is important to focus on the things that are important to you rather that spreading yourself too thin and having no idea where you’re heading. Saying no lays the foundation for more direction and better time management in your life.

What Should You Say No To?

Of course, you shouldn’t say no to everything straight away – that’s just plain selfishness. The key idea is that you should make wiser choices and consider these demands on your resources and time according to the following criteria:

a) Do I really want to do this?

We all have our preferences and interests and if you say yes to something you absolutely do not enjoy doing, it will probably cause a lot of unnecessary misery. Also, pay attention to your gut feeling. If you think that by agreeing to give a friend a loan, you will probably never get the money back, then don’t do something that makes you uncomfortable and resentful.

b) Is this aligned with what I want in life?

It’s important to set aside some “me-time” to really interrogate yourself about what exactly you want out of life. Internalize this list of goals so that it can serve as a clear guideline on what things you should say yes and no too. This may just help you steer away from impulsive yeses when someone is pressuring you to agree.

c) Would this make my life a lot more stressful than what it already is?

Sometimes, you even have to say “no” to the things that you want to do if there is simply no more capacity to add this into your already packed life. Overcommitment not only takes away the fun and enjoyment of doing thing that you originally liked, it can also take a toll on your health and state of mind with the lack of rest and hectic pace.

Ways to Say No Nicely

Saying no is never an easy task and if not done in an appropriate manner, can easily ruffle the feathers of the other party. Depending on your situation, here are some suggested approaches to declining delicately:

“I’m sorry. But I don’t have the time to do this right now.”

“I’m afraid I can’t help, but I know of someone who might.” (Be sure that someone is really able and willing to help.)

“I don’t really have the expertise for task X, but I can help you with task Y.”

“Let me think about it and get back to you.” (For the pushy people, but be sure to follow-up and give a clear answer at a later point)

“No.” (sometimes, straight to the point works best)

“I have some personal commitments to attend to and won’t be able to make it.”

Remember: life will still go on and things and people will somehow still fall into place even when you say no!

How do you say No Nicely? Drop a comment and share your experiences with us!