Learn To Ask For Help

Achieving a work-life balance can never be a solo act in today’s hectic times. Here are some tips on getting help without feeling too guilty or needy, says Melanie Lee.

While the successful Asian career woman is a formidable being who juggles multiple commitments most skillfully, she is, at the end of the day, still a human being. And sometimes, even the best of us will have bad days and could do with a helping hand. But instead of asking for assistance, many of us often swallow our pride and take it upon ourselves to bear unnecessary burdens.

“You may see asking for help as a sign of weakness and this creates an internal conflict. Very often, high-flying career women have got to where they are by displaying dominant and achievement-oriented traits. Getting help may be seen as showing unnecessary vulnerability,” says psychologist Daniel Koh from Insights Minds Centre.

However, adds Koh, this does not necessarily have to be the case. “Asking for help demonstrates one’s ability for self analysis. It shows you have been monitoring yourself and are finding ways to improve your life. It also shows you are confident enough to be honest about your limitations,” he says.

According to Koh, to “free” yourself to ask for help, a change in mindset is absolutely essential. Rather than being self-critical every time you need assistance in juggling work and home matters, try to set clear boundaries between these two aspects of your life. “Your working environment may encourage an individualistic way of doing things since it’s all about performance. But at home, things are more collective and your family members care for you and are there to work things out even if you make mistakes,” says Koh.

Some telling signs that you may need help include fatigue, constantly feeling overwhelmed, being snappy with others, decreased motivation, being careless with your work, or realizing that you are severely neglecting certain people or aspects of your life. When such things happen, it’s time to ask for assistance. Here are helpful tips in asking for help:

• Adapt to your receiver(s): Understand their nature and try to suit their manner of speech.

• Use “I” along with emotions: This will help the receiver understand you better. E.g. “I would be happy if you could help me…?”

• Be sincere: Avoid using a command e.g. “I want you to do this…” but rather, phrase your request politely e.g. “Is it possible to help me…?”

• Have self-confidence: This will come out in your speech and tone and by sounding assured, you do not need to raise your voice.