Protect Your Marriage: Date Your Spouse For Life

With piles of laundry, screaming kids and office politics to deal with, a date may be the last thing on your mind – after all, don’t passionate candlelit dinners go extinct after a few years of marriage? Absolutely not, according to psychologist Daniel Koh of Insights Mind Centre, who believes that “married dating” is important for survival of the relationship. We get Anna Lim, who has been married to her husband Eric for 34 years, to show that dating for a lifetime is entirely possible.

By: Melanie Lee

“If a marriage becomes stagnant and taken for granted, a lack of communication and intimacy will result. This means that a couple may become unaware if their goals become too divergent, or that there are cracks in their relationship,” warns Daniel Koh, a psychologist with Insights Mind Centre.

This is why manager Anna Lim and her husband Eric make it a point to kiss each other good morning and good night, and go for walks together after dinner where they share with each other what’s been happening in their lives. With their affection and genuine enjoyment of each other’s company, it is apparent to any bystander that they are still very much in love.

What’s interesting is that Koh’s advice to Nanz Inc.com readers on a “dating” marriage is very much an embodiment of Anna and Eric’s relationship. No wonder they’ve still got the sparks even after more than three decades!

Psychologist’s tip: Keep the passion going by doing special things for each other like buying his favourite food, kissing him when he gets home and more.
Anna: The most romantic thing Eric has done for me was to organize a surprise 25th wedding anniversary celebration where we renewed our vows in church with our close friends and family as witnesses.

Psychologist’s tip: Appreciate every small thing your spouse has done, from picking you up to preparing dinner.
Anna: I love how he does little sweet things for me in everyday life like picking out fish bones or peeling prawns.

Psychologist’s tip: Make it a point to spend quality time with each other. This allows for frequent communication which will in turn open opportunities to try new things together as a couple, whether it is a new hobby or new dating venue.
Anna: We enjoy going for nature walks or watching movies together. These activities are precious because both of us are very busy at work.

Psychologist’s tip: See your partner through loving and caring eyes. See him as who he is rather than what you are trying to change him into. Be less demanding and more assuring.
Anna: Eric and I treasure all the years of love and support we have given each other. Our love is even stronger now because we feel we don’t have many more years ahead to love and cherish each other. This is why I would always tell newlyweds: When you marry someone, you should always want to bring out the best in your partner. Be supportive, always trusting, and accept the person as he is. Never belittle him in front of others by using words like “you never” or “you always”.

This is the final instalment of our Protect Your Marriage series. If you have missed any of our previous articles, just click on the following links:

Protect Your Marriage: Have Sex, Have It A Lot
Protect Your Marriage: When Kids Get In The Way
Protect Your Marriage: Surviving The First Year Of Marriage
Protect Your Marriage: Surviving A “Mid-Life Crisis”
Protect Your Marriage: The China Woman Syndrome