Protect Your Marriage: When Kids Get In The Way

The pitter-patter of little feet usually introduces married couples to a lifestyle of sleep deprivation and screaming tantrums. This inevitably leads to a reduction of quality time and intimacy with each other. Nanz Inc shows you how you can prevent your marriage from being overly child-centred – after all, it’s important amidst all the busy childrearing to remember the lifelong partner you’ve said your wedding vows to.

By Lianne Ong

 
When couples have kids, it is inevitable that their marriages will be presented with new challenges. According to Mrs Janette Goh, a family life coach and counsellor at SiloamXperience, different parenting styles are usually cited as the top marital problem for parents. Loss of couple time and individual time are cited as the next most common problems.

Rachel Ong, 38, a stay-at-home mom to four children, would know. “Whenever a new baby arrives, that is usually the most stressful and tiring period for us. I really need my husband to help more then. When I feel he isn’t helping sufficiently, that is when things get difficult and I do feel our relationship suffers a bit for it.”

Here are some tips to prevent kids from derailing your marriage:
 

Prioritise spouse over children

Parents need to remember that the spouse should always come first, then the child. Many couples probably already know this, but acting it out is another matter altogether. There is often some guilt when the kids are put as second priority.

Janette shares, “One of my clients shared with me about how her husband had an affair after she got caught up with caring for her young children. It’s not that she didn’t love him, but she loved her children more. Looking back, she understands why he ended up finding solace elsewhere.’”

At the end of the day, a healthy marriage is the best gift we can give our children.
 

Preserve couple time

“Guard couple time with your life!” Janette advises. Many couples find that this is a struggle when both parties work long hours and then come home to spend time with the kids.

For Rachel, finding alone time with her husband Anthony is a fine balance of planning and spontaneity. “It takes effort on both our parts not to leave it to chance, so we try to set aside time for a dinner date without the kids now and then. At the same time, if an unexpected opportunity arises, we have to be quick to take it and just leave the house!” Rachel admits that raising four kids can be physically exhausting, which is why it is usually her husband that broaches the subject of doing something together without the kids in tow.
 

Nurture your marriage

Marriage is like a garden. This may sound corny and cheesy, but it’s true. With neglect, all the initial efforts of quality couple communication will be affected if not handled with love and care. Whether it’s taking up a new hobby together, practising patience or complimenting each other, a little TLC is required to keep the relationship alive, especially during the seasons when the kids seem to overshadow your marriage.

This is an instalment of our Protect Your Marriage series. If you have missed any of our previous articles, just click on the following links:
Protect Your Marriage: Date Your Spouse For Life
Protect Your Marriage: Have Sex, Have It A Lot
Protect Your Marriage: When Kids Get In The Way
Protect Your Marriage: Surviving The First Year Of Marriage
Protect Your Marriage: Surviving A “Mid-Life Crisis”
Protect Your Marriage: The China Woman Syndrome

Related Posts:

• Protect Your Marriage: Date Your Spouse For Life
• Protect Your Marriage: Have Sex, Have It A Lot!
• Protect Your Marriage: Surviving the First Year of Marriage
• Protect Your Marriage: Surviving A “Mid-Life Crisis”
• Add Sex To Your To-Do List