Are Your Kids Still Sleeping In Your Bed?

In Singapore, the practice of co-sleeping with the kids – in this case, letting kids sleep in the parents’ bed, or in their bedroom, is more common than one would think, and not always due to space constraints. It may be common for Asian parents but it may not be the healthiest thing for parents or child. Nanz Inc speaks to parents to understand their sleep habits and how some parents have successfully transitioned their kids to their own room.

By Lianne Ong

When a couple has their first child, they are often unsure about the sleeping arrangements with the new addition to the family. For some, having the baby sleep in the same room is expected, and sometimes seen as necessary or acceptable. However, views differ when it comes to whether the child should continue sleeping in the same room as the parents after a certain age.
Ms Mok Sin Lai, a family counsellor at Reach Family Service Centre says “There are different schools of thought with regards to co-sleeping with kids. As to what age a child should sleep in a separate room, it varies as every child is different, and some are more ready than others. Regardless of whether parents choose to co-sleep with the kids or not, they eventually need to learn to let go and allow their kids to be independent. The couple should also recognise the importance of placing their marriage above their parenting role.”

Nanz Inc surveys some parents for their views and sleep habits with their children:

“All my children sleep in our bedroom, on their own mattresses, which surround our bed. It just ‘happened’, we didn’t think about the implications. Both my wife and I work long hours, so co-sleeping is a way that helps the kids feel close to us. My eldest slept separately at one stage, but she felt neglected when her two younger siblings were still sleeping in our room. This arrangement is not ideal because it leads to disturbed sleep for us, and the kids become too attached to you. We would like to change this situation, but are waiting for an impetus like when we move to a new home and the kids will have their own rooms.

- K Sim, 36, manager in financial services industry, father of three aged 9, 3 1/2 and 1

“When my kids were babies, they slept in their own cot in our room. This helped facilitate night feeds, and made it easier for us to check on them. Once they turned one, they were moved to another room. It usually took a night or two of adjustment. I think it is better for kids to sleep in their own room. For one, they sleep better. And we don’t need to tiptoe around them for fear of waking them up. The bedroom is where we relax after a long day’s work – it’s nice to be able to chat with your spouse without being worried you’ll wake the kids up.”

- Serene Tan, 34, stay-at-home mom to three kids, aged 5, 4 and 1

“All our kids slept with us in the same room when they were younger. They would start off in their cot and if they woke up, they would be transferred to our bed and sleep in between us. We allowed them to sleep with us when they got older either in the same bed or on a sofa bed in our room. They really treasured this time with us since we both worked full time, especially our youngest, and we never denied them this time because it made them feel special and secure. Couple time was never an issue, as we would put them to bed first and continue our conversation in the living room. As they reached primary school age, they gradually began to outgrow this need and because they are very close, they didn’t mind sleeping in their own room as they are all together. Today my husband and I find we are the ones missing their presence!”

- Jennifer Kwok, 37, former marketing manager and mother of three boys in primary school

TIP BOX: How Some Parents Got Their Kids To Move Out Of Their Bedroom

“Caleb ended up in our bed when he refused to stay in his cot and would wail the house down if we tried to put him back in the cot. Our trip to Spain finally weaned him off our bed! The change in environment allowed us to ‘break’ the habit, as he was thrilled to sleep in the new cots in the hotels. When we came home, we just put him in his own cot in his own room as if that was the norm. Worked like magic!”

- Lou Lian Pei, 36, stay-at-home mom to two kids, aged 4 and 2

“When we had our first child, we were still living with my in-laws. Due to space constraints, he slept in our room. When we got our own place, he was 15 months old, and we made a big deal of introducing him to his own room and making it a comfortable and conducive place for him. We kept some things the same – such as his cot, and his bedtime music. This arrangement worked and he took to it very well.”

- Amelia Wong, 30, stay-at-home mom of two, aged 2.5 and 7 months

What are your views? Do you co-sleep with your kids? Tell us!