A happy marriage can’t be built on words that belittle or hurt your loved one. Often, we subconsciously use patterns of speech that obstruct our way to a better marriage. Nanzinc.Com shows you what toxic phrases your spouse can gladly do without.

By: Ng Lin-Li

You never do this. You always do that.Making sweeping statements with “never” and “always” are almost always untrue. Has he really never listened to you or never helped around the house?

Using statements like these discount the times that your spouse has actually done those things, and brings a judgmental tone to the relationship -you have already decided what kind of person he or she is, and they will be like this, always. When someone feels condemned and unappreciated, there will be even less motivation to change or improve. Rather than link every negative instance together, see each case in its respective circumstances and hold back on proclaiming doom over your spouse.

You made a mistake! What is wrong with you?

What is the point of pointing it out, especially if the person already knows it? If we are honest, we do it for our own satisfaction. Some spouses point out the mistake multiple times and lecture the other party, as if their partner was a child. It doesn’t help the situation, and works only make your partner resentful of you. You aren’t working as a team, but as one gloating over your partner or trying to “educate” your partner.

Either try to help, or just keep quiet, but don’t unleash your superior attitude on your spouse. After all, we all make mistakes. Extend forgiveness and patience, and your spouse will remember your kindness and possibly return the favor the next time you make a mistake.

You don’t understand anything.

Instead of taking responsibility for learning how to communicate your feelings and thoughts better, you blame the other party for not understanding. While they can’t understand all you are thinking and feeling, the truth is that very few people can! Being of the opposite sex will also mean that your spouse will process things differently, but accept and celebrate that rather than use it against them. The fact that they are conversing with you means that they at least care enough to chat. It’s not fair to expect your spouse to be able to read your mind accurately.

I’m sorry you feel hurt, but you shouldn’t have…

If you need to apologise, apologise wholeheartedly. Don’t hedge your apology with blame or excuses, and definitely don’t try to point the finger at your spouse in the process. If you can’t do it, you are probably not truly sorry! Take responsibility for the hurt that you caused, sincerely address your mate’s feelings and make it up to him or her. Regardless of what your spouse did, you have ultimate control over your own actions and words, and you are fully responsible for your reactions.

Do This! Do That!

Instead of demanding, ask politely. Sometimes we take those nearest to us for granted, and speak to them with less kindness or courtesy than we would our colleagues or bosses. The tone makes a difference too. Saying “Can you help with the kids for once?” isn’t going to contribute to the positive vibes in your marriage. Cut out the sarcasm for good and your marriage experience will improve tremendously.